Berry Crumble
by Liisa House

When she looks at
The deep black blue berries
Opaque
Acidic
Sickeningly sweet
She thinks of drowning herself there
Below the dense midnight surface

She is baking her way through this first year of “us”
Soothing her lonely hands
In dough
Kneading
Needing
Lumpy butter, flour and oatmeal

Remnants back together

Dandelion flecks of yolk
Speckle the egg whites
One teaspoon of vanilla
Turns the elastic liquid murky

She makes this over and over
To heal and be forgiven
For night whispers that became too loud
Sounds that escaped her breath
And resonated
Before she could think to keep them steady

And she knows he will never taste this apology

Sometimes she yearns to be June Cleaver
A 1950's matron
who could be forgiven in a half hour episode
for much worse than this.